Friday, August 21, 2015

Legal, Loopholes, Loyal

This year during tourist season police all over the U.S. will be beating blacks and Hispanics to death in charming little sleepy towns all over the Land of the Free.
Book your vacations early or you might miss out on a beautifully executed live on TV murder. Though it's true police murder their fellow citizens all year round down here, there's nothing quite like the smell of blood on hot pavement after the rattle and pop of ammo penetrating a human skull right before your eyes! Exciting, isn't? But why should Mom and Dad have all the fun? Book early and maybe use the extra free time to bring the whole family along and spend quality time together while proud policemen from every corner of this great nation of ours commit live, public murder all summer long. In fact, we guarantee that in our state you'll get to see as many 5, count 'em FIVE! murders in one day! Imagine how proud little Billy will be when he commits what we like to call "Tableside Murder," while your family gets to watch. Tableside Murder is a premium service, but depending on how early you book your vacation, your holiday package may very well include as many as two Tableside Murders on top of the great value you are already getting.

Tableside Murder is a more relaxed, laid back atmosphere where the participants are safely hogtied and gagged so every moment might be savoured with the people they know and love the most. And don't worry about a thing your safety is the #1 rule. And I know what some of you might be thinking... We aim for the heart in every detail of your Murder Vacation Getaway. Call now and book your very own Murder Vacation Getaway. It's NOT too late for you! We still have many openings and the rising popularity of our tours leaves plenty of open spaces ready to be culled of undesirable elements taking over neighbourhoods all over Small Town, USA

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The House of Madness®

The House of Madness®