Sunday, January 25, 2015

Shit Is Made Shittily - !0 Years Of Cold Is Simply Unacceptable

When I was a toddler, still using a walker, someone took a picture of me with the fridge door open and I'm rooting around in there. My fuck but I was one cute baby! 
Let's move forward about 22-23 years. During this time, my grandfather had decided to move in to my mother's place and he just GAVE the house to us! It came with all the appliances AND the fucking fridge from when I was a baby!
So we lived in it and had a fairly ordinary life until the day my grandmother got a new fridge and wanted to give us her "old" one. It wasn't even ten years old.
So moving day came and I put my big old beast down the basement all by myself; but I was running a small freight moving and delivering service. My main client was Staples and the point is that I was very, very strong and muscular. I shaved my head, had a threatening beard and I was tougher than knots in old rope. Good thing too, because had I not been there, my dad and my uncles couldn't get it up over the fixture that the door plunger pins to the door side of it. So I help the old timers lift her up and out and into my van she goes. I thanked my grandmother and home I went and with the help of my trusty dolly I muscled the beast into it's new position. Once that was all taken care of, I got some oil line needle valves, some copper tubing, some PVC tubing and a flaring tool. 
Oh right! *smacks forehead* I almost forgot. In the meantime while all of this was going on, I acquired a big CO2 tank with regulator FOR FREE as well as 5 or 6 Cornelius kegs. They're the kind that dispenses soda. 
So I got a few more fittings and then plotted the course my drill bit would follow as I made some holes for hoses to go in. I connected all copper and valves (ever work with a flare tool and flare nuts? it's fun) Anyway... I finally had it all set up with a little draft tap and there was always two chilled, ready to drink full beer kegs, one with each a different kind of beer. While all the drinking was going on, I'd make yet more beer and timed it perfectly so that by the time my 10gals ran out (we used to call that Thursday) I had another two 5 gal kegs left. Now the real point of this story,I ran it fairly cold, had drilled holes in the side for the pressure hoses. I used this contraption for a couple of years without a single problem. 
Now comes the part of the tale where we feed the snake his own tail. Remember, this drilled out, downstairs dedicated beer chiller was actually just a fridge, right? But it was the SAME fridge I was rooting through when I was just over one year old, like 13 months or so. I don't remember any of it

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The House of Madness®

The House of Madness®